Three mistakes in my last post that are to be honest a bit embarrassing – seriously “add media” button was not there a couple days ago. Did I mention blogging is vulnerable for me????
As I was sitting beside the lake today, working on trying to gather some insight/inspiration to write about, this boat comes ripping through the water at high speed and disrupts the glassiness of this peace-filled moment. I grabbed my phone and took a picture, why? I had no idea. Hang on this is going somewhere…
First question – Where are you?
God asks this question of the man and the woman – he created.
in the garden – he designed and built,
blue-print of the geography was pretty clear – to the one who designed it.
Do you get the dichotomy of God’s question here?
Come on he had to know “where” they were, but the real question was did they know? AND were they willing to say it out loud and not run?
Sitting in the Adirondack chair by the lake, I knew where I was sitting physically – Wayzata public beach – but the question ringing in my head held a deeper layer – I have been hiding from words…language….writing…
“Are you willing to walk toward vulnerability so that you can go on a journey of restoration?”
Where are you? Is about the many layers we all have within us to compensate when we feel that we are not where we think we should/could/would like to be – and shame ushers us into hiding/denying/justifying/strategy/etc.
I have a deep longing for people to experience God in and through their sexual and spiritual journey – inviting them to discover and return to their truest essence of being. There are days/hours/moments when I actually believe and savor this longing and I respond to it so full heartedly that I can face any obstacle that is before me.
AND there are days when the ache of brokenness in this world overwhelms me and I hide by renaming this longing as idealistic, unreal, stupid, crazy…
“The work of restoration starts with the desire to come out of hiding and return to the radical vulnerability of complete trust.”
So what do I really trust in?
Is this longing within me coming from God? Could it truly be part of why I exist? Is this audacious longing something I am meant to carry of God’s goodness? What if I dared to let my longing hear the question of “where are you” as an invitation?
The way I view God is how I will hear God’s voice.
So…sitting by that lake, the longing rose again and I let it linger.
Boat guy disrupted my space.
I felt the reasons of why I have been hiding from writing rise.
I let them.
I also admitted to God why I was hiding from writing and this is what I heard:
- You don’t even know how to add a photo to text – electronics are tricky…
- You only get to write about sex – there is more within…
- You can’t write about this, there are experts – there are and they are awesome….
- You suck at structure – yep and maybe that is okay…
- You have a snarky attitude that slips over into sass – hello and God wants all of me…
What if God asking us where we are is more about God’s wanting to clothe us in something other than shame? I mean he did offer animal skins vs. leaves (which would dry up and become brittle in a day or two and let’s be honest would definitely cause itching in very delicate parts of the body – shame kinda does this to us).
In the end, I guess I took that picture because I needed to be disrupted and in waiting long enough to actually hear more than just the familiar voice of shame, the lingering waves reminded me that I am on a journey of wholeness!
Also I have to note that the one driving the boat was having a blast…his timing was perfect.
NOTE: Quotes are from the book – you really want to get this and read it for yourself, I promise!